Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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