I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize