Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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