Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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