jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
