My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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