i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
