Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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