My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
