It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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