I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
