yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
