The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
