Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
