I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize