fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
