I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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