marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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