Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
