a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
