If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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