Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
two words: eviction party
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
