Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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