I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
