I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Four minutes until I can fart!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
