Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
