i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
