I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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