What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
