Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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