then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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