Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
