Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
