I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
