He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
