so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
