I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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