Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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