Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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