I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
