did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
