I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
