We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
