it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
