dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
