If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
