Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
