Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
