you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
