I think I died a long time ago.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just cropdusted the office
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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