so let's talk penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
