Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
