what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
