After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i think my cat just said my name.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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