So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
