Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
