So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
