puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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