Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
