none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
