I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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