He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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