dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
