We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dear god my vagina.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
