Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
