i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My vagina is officially offended.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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