I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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