You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
