I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
