dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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