Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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